“If you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you'll be married to a man who cheats on his wife.” - Anne Landers
For the past couple of weeks, this has been a regular household discussion. Men cheat. Women cheat.
But it has crossed my mind - there are a lot of forms/ways of cheating on relationships nowadays which made me wonder - is it just plain too corny to be faithful anymore? Totally uncool?!.
I wanted to ask my male and female friends of certain scenarios if they consider it cheating: when in a relationship and still checking out other women's friendster sites/websites? or online flirting through chats? or checking out on women inside a bar and flirting? Vice versa. Or if you think you are not the type to be faithful, why choose to be in committed relationship? I don't get it.
Educate me. Because I could trigger a bomb anytime by engaging in endless discussions should I continue speaking my mind. This blog means I welcome ideas. I would rather have opinion. Because I honestly don't know what's the mindset out there NOWADAYS about what's acceptable or not.
 | my main "contribution" to this discussion is the fact that both MEN and WOMEN cheat. this is not an exclusive club that is applicable only to MEN. |
 | cheating is not like lying, where there are degrees of seriousness - ranging from white/harmless lies to pure deception and betrayal of trust. cheating, in all its forms, is unacceptable. there are no excuses. if a relationship has problems, cheating is not the solution. it is so much a selfish act. much like murder. a reason why, along with taking someone else's life, adultery is among the sins stressed out in the ten commandments.
cultivating friendships with the opposite sex while one is a relationship doesn't necessarily mean one is cheating. ultimately, the determining factor is the intent. are you looking around for someone to replace your current partner? now that's crass and base. low blow.
i remember being asked to delete all my girl multiply contacts, early march 2008. i said i could do it. but i won't do it to sucker to someone's insecurities. in light of recent events, that she asked me for this, is so ironic.
ultimately, some people are just incapable of living a life without lies. they want so much that loyalty is something they neither can believe nor appreciate. when someone is loyal to them, they freak out and look for every possible flaw to harp on. they're just not comfortable with the idea. for them, betrayal is like rice: a staple of every relationship they will have.
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 | Cheating is cheating no matter what form it takes. I agree when you asked, "why choose to be in a committed relationship?" It's a sad fact of life. |
 | checking out the opposite sex is normal.. it's programmed in our genes.. (di ba jay? hehe) it's where discipline kicks in.. |
 | Who made the rules anyway? According to marx and engels in "The Origin of the Family" the institution of marriage and along with it the concepts of faithfullness and exclusivity were invented by the rich status quo (royals etal) in order to keep the wealth within their family circles. by extension, women in this scenario ARE part of what constitutes property. Although many things have changed like rape now being a crime against person when it used to be a crime against property, the spirit and indeed the mindset of faithfulness and cheating lives on.
the grand irony of it is that women, who have been dehumanized in this setup, are more committed to the system that oppresses them.
bawal magalit. historical po basis, hindi nyo na makokontra unless makainvent kayo ng time machine. hehehe |
 | you know, this was something that's been bouncing around in my mind rin. i've friends who, left and right, routinely cheat on their partners. and when they talk about it, it's as if cheating wasn't bad at all - ang dating pa is parang "nagkataon" lang na nangyari sa kanila yon, it "just happened." and they're not even sorry about it. parang fact of life lang.
so anyway, sa sobrang dami nila, i started wondering, "is cheating finally 'okay?'" like, siguro, the reason we call it "cheating," a negative word in and of itself, is because we know it's still "wrong" but it's become "okay." on tv, the best looking, smartest, most successful characters are cheaters (think addison and mcDreamy). tuloy, cheating is glorified. parang it's the "in" thing to do.
siguro the only way you can distinguish cheating from other forms of relating to other people is intent. you can justify collecting girly friendster friends or text-mating or eye-balling any number of ways you want. and in a parallel universe, your alibis might all be reasonable. but if you know in your heart of hearts that you friendster and text and eye-ball because you're not happy with who you are currently with and are out there checking out what's on the market, e di cheating na nga yon.
sabihin na nga nating e fact of life nga ang cheating and you would be guilty of it one way or another at some point in the future. the bigger question, i think, is "so what do you do now?"
at isa pa, kung alam mong ginagamit ka to cheat on someone else at nagpagamit ka naman, cheater ka rin ba? or sadyang tanga lang? hahahaha! |
 | "is it just plain too corny to be faithful anymore? Totally uncool?!"
technically speaking, there really is no basis to be faithful. socially speaking, there is. by being faithful you preserve a family unit -- a most essential part in upbringing human offsprings (unlike say, you're a carp spawning for dear life). and i guess that's the prerogative of nature, to properly bring forth the incoming generation. with regards to it being "cool" or "uncool" is irrelevant.
about the issue of what is considered cheating, it is a futile argument as everybody has their lines to draw. i mean some would let their partners flirt around so long as she's still the one he goes home to at the end of the day. to some, that would be terribly unbearable. |
 | We are all bounded by socially and morally accepted norms, which norms are shaped by our upbringing, education and religious beliefs. For example, some find open marriage totally acceptable and some of course do not, and muslims are allowed to have multiple wives as long as they love all of them equally whereas christians don't. However, we cannot judged people who have entered into a relationship not within THEIR social, religious and moral norms and the norms in which the community they are in. This unfortunate thing does happened because at the end of the day, we are all human that makes mistakes, and behind each misstep, is complicated by the complex situation and intricate reasons each individual is surrounded with or wants to believe in, whether these reasons are just or reasonable is beside the point.
My point is, it can happen to all of us, whether we are the cheater, the cheated and whatnot. |
 | joyeee wrote on Apr 21, edited on Apr 21 i am making exceptions to societies/tribes/customs where polygamy is freely being practiced. obviously, such practices are allowed. i am not trying to be righteous about this one. when we start bringing religion and customs to this topic, it really gets confusing and subjective. Since this is a normal practice to them, i don't think it constitutes cheating at all.
parang ganito lang yan eh: should you decide to go in an open relationship, i don't think you have the right to call your pseudo BF/GF a cheater when he/she starts dating someone else, aside from you. open nga eh. its given. that is a common practice.
or parang ganito: you know you're a mistress/kabit or third-party-then you start nagging for more time because he/she allots more time to the "legitimate" one.
based on the comments above, then it boils down to your own taste or values if you wanna call it that way: the feeling of being cheated on exists only to people who believe in being faithful.
if you cheat on your partner, what does this tell you about yourself? or if you know that you are a third-party in a relationship, what on earth are you thinking?
again, educate me. |
| joyeee wrote on Apr 21, edited on Apr 21 @jay, when we actually think about it....cheating on a relationship covers three commandments:
Thou shall not steal.
Thou shall not commit adultery.
Thou shall not covet thy neighbor's wife.
but i'm placing my disclaimer on this one: di po ako religious. spiritual lang ako. i may not be a practicing catholic for sometime now. but i strive to be good. |
Comment deleted at the request of the author.
|  if you cheat on your partner, what does this tell you about yourself? or if you know that you are a third-party in a relationship, what on earth are you thinking?
again, educate me.  ah. eh. i thought kasi that he really loved me e. hahahahaha! pakisampal nga ako. buti na lang i'm out of that polygon (dahil chronic cheater sha, hindi triangle ang tawag samin) na!
but honestly? i thought that way because our history was too colorful to ignore. tipong i met him when i was 19, we became the best of friends. we were enemies longer than we were friends but through all the years we hated each other, we always knew where the other was and what he/she was doing. he asked me to marry him when i was 22.
and i thought that now, a decade later, my gad TEN YEARS, we MUST share something because until recently, we were still in each other's present. and through all the ups and downs, what else could that be if not love? and then i started justifying it by saying, "well, if true yung sinabi niyang hindi naman niya mahal yung girlfriend niya at lalong-lalo namang wala akong pake sa gf niya, why will i deny myself the pleasure of his company?" e sa pareho kaming nakikinabang sa "relationship" namin e.
my gad. kabit na kabit ang dating. hahahahahaha!
but it's over and strangely, i don't feel sad or bad or happy. i just feel relieved. |
| aw, you're smart enough to answer that question yourself. or is this for the benefit of other people? :}
for most people who are into open relationships, mainly men but that's up for debate, it's just an excuse to sleep around and get an ego stroking.
as for what you are thinking? well, i could name a few.
there's the thrill. whether or not it's to get away from a boring relationship that couldn't grow further or just "to have something different", cheating fits right into the mold. the funny thing about it is, the thought about cheating doesn't really come up right away. it starts off as a little spark of thought like "What if?". as the person begins to poison his/her mind with it, push becomes to shove, and well there you have it. the narcotic called thrill.
and then there's revenge. kung ginawa mo sa kin yan, kaya ko ring gawin sa yo yan. perhaps this is the most twisted of reasons one could come up with. revenge in itself, is justifying a wrong with another wrong. again, what is wrong is debatable, but let's leave that off. the working word here is justice ...
perhaps the third would be ... i dunno ... choice? they can be committed to a person and then here comes mr./ms. right (or looks-to-be-right) that they feel so strongly that infidelity is but a minor word in their heads. stuff movies are made of :P
what does cheating tell one about oneself?
one thing for sure. humans are capricious creatures. but i guess people are generally more forgiveable when you're younger -- as you're allowed to make mistakes. |
 | i agree!
for me its not corny =D
just let your partner know where's the line |
 | aleste37 wrote on Apr 21, edited on Apr 21 It's not corny to be faithful....
It's just that people aren't mature enough, or flicker minded to be happy with whatever they have.
Happiness in a long relationship is quite different from the spark that is in a new one. The thrill of something new, the honeymoon stage.
But when that starts to settle down, when things are.. 'old', when you've been together for more than a year -- things start to change. Priorities are different, new challenges, new goals, etc.
Isn't this what a relationship should ideally be? From BGR(boy-girl-relationship) to Husband and Wife -- goals change, from going out on dates or outings, to a wedding, to building a house, to having kids.
There are a lot of personal interests that are still doable within that line; but when people are unhappy because of the pressure or the partner -- they want a quick fix.
The quick fix - someone else, rather than improving what you have right.
It's like a marshmallow test - have your marshmallow now, or wait to get more.
For most people who cheat - they realize they want a different marshmallow right now, rather than waiting for the current marshmallow to .. 'mature'.
That's where the flirting online or elsewhere is an option.
I think that part is different for everyone -- because it can mean absolutely nothing, as just being friendly; or it's a roundabout way of getting thrills.
It's love to stop an action to ensure the trust of your partner.
It's respect to understand that your partner is doing something just because s/he is human, and that it's not to cheat and leave you. |
 | Cheating and insecurities are closely related and coupled!
Add to that, what you believe in, most of the time, will not match with what you see within your environment.
Bluntly, on this topic, I apply what I usually use on controversial topics "To each his own."
And I'd rather educate myself. :p
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 | just sharing some quotable quotes..
"The sweetest women can be turned into a shrew by a man if he excites her but does not fulfill her. To tame her and to bring her back to sweetness he must make love to her and bring forth her pleasures, and she will turn immediately as night changes to day . . . She will then become a good wife, a good companion, a good mother, and a good human being."
Haroun Al Makhzoumi
"If any of you would bring judgment the unfaithful wife,
Let him also weight the heart of her husband in scales, and measure his soul with measurements."
Kahlil Gibran
"When a wife has a good husband it is easily seen in her face."
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
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 | As long as your partner does not flirt or cheat with the same "kind", that's acceptable hahaha. |
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